And, believe it or not, there’s a way to be okay with the discrepancy. Originally posted on Medium.
Have you ever tried to challenge someone else’s perspective?
How did the attempt transpire?
Did it work? Or…
Did an argument arise?
For contextual purposes, here’s an imaginary scenario that paints the picture I’d like to discuss.
Let’s say Josie claims that Jonah actively ignores her incoming calls.
According to Josie, her pal Jonah sees that she’s trying to FaceTime him and his response is to intentionally turn the volume down on his cell phone because he doesn’t want to talk.
But Jonah knows that isn’t the case at all. From where he stands, Josie calls him unannounced and his incredibly busy lifestyle doesn’t allow him the luxury of answering his phone whenever a friend calls him.
But even after Jonah explains what it’s like on his end, Josie still pushes home the unwavering standpoint that Jonah is ignoring her. Josie isn’t able to reflect on Jonah’s explanation because she’s gripping so tightly onto her own assumptions.
She hears him, but she isn’t listening.
If she permitted herself to release her clutch and allow Jonah’s words to open her eyes to the reality of the situation, she would feel less ignored and more in tune with her friend’s intentions. Instead, she chooses to keep the wedge between them.
In this scenario, Jonah can respond in one of two ways.
Jonah can either concede and let Josie think she’s in the right, or he can continue to participate in the conversation and possibly get through to Josie…maybe.
If you were Jonah, what would you do?
Is it worth arguing your point when the other party isn’t open to it?
Should Jonah keep reminding Josie he isn’t ignoring her, or is it wasted energy when Josie is not going to change her opinion on the matter?
From where I stand, I don’t believe it’s worth arguing your point when the other party isn’t open to understanding your perspective.
And I find it to be wasted energy when someone else refuses to change his or her opinion on the matter.
I’m speaking strictly in terms of friendships, so with different context, I may hold a differing opinion.
However, what I’ve come to learn is that whenever someone holds onto their opinions so strongly, it’s impossible to enlighten them. They don’t leave any space in their mind for your input to settle, so what you say goes in one ear and flies out the other.
I used to find it difficult to accept the fact that someone might believe that my intentions are anything other than what I say they are.
In other words, it’s tricky to accept that someone will perceive you in a way that doesn’t align with who you set out to be.
And it stings.
It hurts a lot.
Nobody wants to be viewed in a negative light, especially when the person viewing you in a negative light is not taking all of the details into consideration. And if they did, they would no longer view you in a negative light.
Not everyone is going to agree with you, but there’s a way to be okay with the discrepancy between what you know is true and what they choose to view as facts.
And that little way of being okay with the discrepancy comes down to this whole concept of letting go.
I’ve started allowing others to perceive me in any way, shape, or form while also being completely unaffected by their opinions.
Because…
If you think about it…
You have no control over what they choose to believe about you anyway, so why cling so tightly onto the facade that you can reconstruct their perception of you when that’s nothing but imaginary?
If I were Jonah, I would let Josie know that I miss her calls without intentionally missing her calls. And that I would love to converse with her via FaceTime more regularly, but that a schedule or some sort of advance notice would need to be implemented in order for me not to miss her calls anymore.
If Josie goes on to continue believing I miss her calls out of choice rather than miscommunication, then there’s not much more I can do.
All we can do is stay true to our intentions, vocalize where we’re coming from, and hope the person on the other end of our explanations is open to receiving them.
Not everyone is going to agree with you, but that’s okay.
It doesn’t reflect upon you as a person, but rather, it shows who they are and what they want to believe ♡