It’s easy peasy lemon squeezey to let the world tell you who to become.
From what you wear and how you speak, to why you wake up in the morning and where you place your energy, people have a lot to say about how others are living their lives.
And when you take others’ unsolicited input and pair it with the innate desire to be accepted by people, it’s far too natural to fall in line with what everyone says you should do. In other words, the status quo.
Living a life in accordance with what other people want for you and from you is simple. It doesn’t take much energy to blend in and assimilate.
Marching to the beat of your own drum, however…
Now that requires discipline.
My middle name is Kathleen, but for the first twenty-two years of my life, I would have more aptly been named Alayna Compliant Doyal because that’s all I knew how to be.
Compliant.
No matter the scenario nor the circumstances, I acquiesced as readily as the average, healthy, able-bodied adult breathes.
The majority of my compliant behavior stemmed from a place of trauma rooted in my childhood. I was stripped of my voice seemingly since the moment I learned how to talk, and ever since then, it was safer to lay low and comply than it was to speak my mind and defy.
I continued to spend a lot of my time in total silence as I grew up, letting others fill the space with their voices while I kept my mouth closed tighter than tight. I thought being compliant was the secret to survival, and it was… Until it wasn’t.
Over time, I came to be quite perplexed by one detail in particular.
See, I was taught to be quiet.
So, I stayed silent.
Then, I was berated for my silence.
Everyone told me to subdue and comply, so I did, and then they complained about my quiet nature and my omnipresent indifference… As if those were not born from the parameters they set for me.
The point I’m trying to make is that I realized I would never ever win if I continued to comply with how others wanted me to be.
Even when you do what others tell you to do, they will still find a way to have an issue with you. The behavior they asked me to emulate was eventually the exact bone they chose to pick with me.
And this revelation was the turning point during which I started following my own heart instead of listening to what others told me to do.
There was never anything wrong with what I said, how I spoke, or who I was. Other people wanted me to behave in a certain way because it was all a mechanism of control. Telling me to be quiet allowed them to ignore me, which was self-serving behavior on their part as it was done simply out of a place of convenience for them.
And once I recognized that manipulation was at play, I decided to pursue all that is in my heart and live my life for me, not them.
You cannot please everyone, so why bother trying?
Why not prioritize your own pleasure and be who you want to be instead?
The only person who has to live with your decisions is you, and when you keep this in mind, it’s easier to put your desires above any that others have for you.
When you can fully wrap your mind around the fact that what others think about you holds no weight, you can dismiss it and focus on what you think about yourself instead.
Are you proud of who you are?
Do you enjoy the trajectory you’re on?
Does your life provide you with purpose and fulfillment?
You are just as important as everyone else on this little blue-and-green ball of a planet, so don’t diminish your own desires in place of what others tell you to do.
Follow your heart. It’s basically an ingrained compass anyway, so there’s no way it’ll lead you astray. And if you lose people along the way, that’s okay.
It’s far better to have yourself at the end of the day anyway ♡