Ah, the start of a new year! What a time. It’s notorious for being that period where people take a serious look at their actions and inspect their habits.
But just because January 1, 2024, has already come and gone doesn’t mean you have to wait until New Year’s Day of 2025 to reflect on your patterns of behavior.
The start of a new year can definitely spark a motivating feeling within you. It’s psychology after all! That “sense of renewal” — according to psychologist Mariana Strongin, PsyD — ignites hope in a way you might not feel on a random day in June or a Sunday morning in May.
But you know what they say about motivation? It comes and it goes. That’s why discipline is key, and choosing to ignore your brain’s knack for talking you out of doing things just because you don’t feel like doing them is an art form.
In fact, that is the root of stopping yourself from self-sabotaging — pinpointing the lies your brain feeds you, understanding why you eat them up, and redefining what you choose to serve yourself on a silver platter.
I know that’s a lot to take in all at once, but don’t worry! Together, we’ll look closely at what each of these three steps entail. But first, whether you self-sabotage habitually or every once in a blue moon, it’s important to understand what it means to self-sabotage and why it’s so simple to do despite the destruction it can elicit.
So, without further ado, let’s answer the question, “What is self-sabotage?”
What is Self-Sabotage?
Professional Definitions
According to Laura Silva of Forbes Health and supported by Carolyn Coker Ross, M.D., “one way to think of it… is ‘the act of getting in your own way, i.e., creating barriers to achieving an intended or expected outcome.’”*
Then, Psychology Today defines self-sabotage in the following way:
Personal Definition
Now, that was a bit of a mouthful, wasn’t it? Yeah, I thought so, too. Allow me to boil this down into something more digestible.
In my own words, self-sabotage is when good things are happening in your life so you inflict bad things. You’ll do just about anything to disrupt the progression of those good things. It’s like you’re running a race and you’re inches away from the finish line, but instead of continuing forward and winning first place, you slow down.
Or you turn around and start running in the other direction.
Or you stop moving altogether.
But no matter which of the three options you select, the point is that you prevent yourself from winning. And that’s the thing: self-sabotaging thoughts create self-deprecating behaviors because you don’t believe you deserve to win, so you won’t let yourself.
You stay losing because you believe you deserve nothing more than that.
Or because it’s comfortable.
Or because it’s all you’ve ever known.
And it’s not your fault for self-sabotaging.
But it is your responsibility to stop.
The Causes of Self-Sabotage: Why Do People Do It?
Everyone who self-sabotages does so for reasons that make sense to them. The exact behaviors you engage in as a form of self-sabotage will likely vary from other people’s methods. For instance, I bet you and I could compare notes only to find that the way I sabotage myself is drastically different than your preferred approach.
But regardless of how you self-sabotage, there are ways to figure out why you do it. Once you can recognize the reasons behind your actions, you can shift your perspective, which will alter your behavior! It’s incredible, and it’s possible.
Ready to dive into this three-step method of stopping self-sabotage for good?! Let’s go!
3 Ways To Stop Self-Sabotaging For Good in 2024
Alrighty, let’s do this! From start to finish, here’s a three-step breakdown of how to stop self-sabotaging your own efforts this year. Here we go!
1. What Thoughts Indicate Self-Sabotage For You?
Sit with yourself for a moment and think, “Hmm… What thoughts tend to come to mind before I take decisive action and sabotage my efforts?” Is there a thought pattern that you find yourself in prior to disrupting your progress? Maybe it manifests in a physical sense instead. You might even experience both!
For instance, when I’m on the verge of self-sabotaging, I’ll be so deep in my head I can barely see straight.
Physically, I feel like I’ve been pumped with air, like a pool floatie in the summer or a Ziploc baggie that was sealed too soon.
Mentally, my brain lies to me. I start to convince myself that the absolute worst things I can think of are true and that they’re going to happen. My mind becomes inflated with irrationality.
And from there, I essentially feel — on both a physical level and a mental level — that I’m going to explode, so I implode as a precautionary measure. It makes sense, but I also know it doesn’t have to be that way. Other outlets are on the table; not just the one.
2. Why Do You Believe Your Self-Sabotaging Thoughts?
Once you understand what you’re thinking, you can start to explore why you think those things. Is there some sort of trauma backing the thoughts floating around in your head? Do you think those thoughts are true on a subconscious level so it’s seemingly impossible to ignore them when they introduce themselves to your conscious mind? Really think about the answer to this question.
As an example, I feel overwhelmed when I am reminded of the fact that I don’t have any adults to rely on in my life. Then, my thoughts reflect that isolated feeling and convince me the worst of the worst will happen because those thoughts feed into how scared I am by the fact that I don’t have any adults looking out for me anymore. So, I start thinking the scariest outcomes possible will become reality. From there, I make those bad things happen on my own accord because I’m convinced they’re inevitable, so I might as well take matters into my own hands and bring them into fruition, you know? Doing so gives me a sense of control as ominous as that is.
Does that make sense? I haven’t fully fleshed out how to put my feelings into words in this regard, but I hope that registers to some sort of extent!
3. How Can You Change Your Thoughts and Pivot Away From Self-Deprecation?
Last but not least, once you’ve identified the what and the why, you can move onto the how. This is the most personal part of the three-step process, so I won’t interject with my own perspective here. But the goal is to think of thoughts you can tell yourself whenever the sabotaging ones arise. Replacements, if you will!
Stop Self-Sabotaging With the Help of an Accountability Partner
Before I go, I’d be a hypocritical fool to omit this information: I sabotage, too.
Yes, it’s true! You caught me. Despite knowing how to stop, I’ve got my foot on the gas pedal.
But I had the longest stretch of non-sabotaging behavior lately. It lasted about four weeks, and to those who don’t understand the addictive attraction to cyclical situations no matter the outcome, that might not sound like much.
However, to those who get it, it’s what I’ve got, and that’s a lot for me. I’m committing myself to make it even longer this time around, and if I fall down again, guess what? I’ll hop right back up!
Be patient with yourself as you work to undo what is so engrained in your brain. It’s not about the number of times you’re knocked down, you know? Focus on how often you get up, and whatever you do, just make sure it’s always one more time than you fall.
We’re in this together, and if you ever need a pal who won’t shame you for trying your best, you know where to find me ♡
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